Let Go
by mjwho
Summary: Sequel to "Letting Go," continuing the theme of loss in Doctor Who, this time leading up to River's death in "Forest of the Dead." "She would rather die there in that library saving him than to never have met him. It's what she wanted. She had made her choice already, and she would make the choice again." Rated T for suggestive themes. I do not own Doctor Who.
1. Only one way

"**There's only one way you could know that name, only one way I could…" ~**_**Doctor Who, **_**"Forest of the Dead"**

Chapter 1

"Yes!" River hopped down from the console as The Doctor walked into the control room. "Yes, I will marry you, Doctor!"

The Doctor stopped in his tracks, dumbstruck. "Umm… River?" He had only just followed her out of his bedroom on the TARDIS, where he had already felt very, very… married.

"You never really asked me. You just took me to that rooftop and wrapped a scarf around my hand and said we were married, so I just wanted to know what it was like to say 'yes.'"

He sauntered up to her now, smiling crookedly, a look of understanding crossing his face. When he reached her, he spoke quietly into her ear, "I should think you would remember the word you were screaming several times over the last hour." The Doctor leaned against her until her body was pressed up against the console. "And I believe you're the one who led _me_ to that rooftop…

"Would you do it again? Would you still marry me, River?"

"Yes," she repeated, softly. With his hands in her hair, he kissed her on the lips. It was a kiss that said he knew how she liked to be kissed, a kiss full of long nights and long days spent together, of shared memories and shared loss, and of love. As The Doctor pulled away from the kiss, he wrapped his arms tight around her and held her longer than he normally would have.

"Doctor, you are acting strangely. You just showed up on my doorstep and whisked me away. I know you. Please talk to me."

"Where are you going this time?" he asked jovially, ignoring her question and still holding her. "What GRAND archaeological scheme are you planning, River Song?"

"Who said I was going anywhere, sweetie?" She pulled back to look at him.

"You always get a bit… well, _you _know… _excitable_ before an expedition." He said irritably. "And I'm _definitely not _complaining about some of the perks that I enjoy with your state of mind, but it's like you can't wait to be off."

"Are you offended?"

"No." he said a little too emphatically. He was almost petulant.

"You are! Why, because I won't travel with you all the time? Or because you really want to go to some stuffy library and look for signs of life… information that is highly confidential, by the way… I don't know why yet, but I intend to find out." He didn't respond.

"If you are worried about me, that's part of it, my love, you know that. Why start worrying about me now?" She winked at him, but The Doctor was silent. He pulled away from her completely and walked to the controls, brooding. River was puzzled, but she knew to wait out whatever mood had entranced him. She soon tired of waiting, however, and opened her mouth to question him.

He must have heard her intake of breath, because he preempted her query by turning toward her, saying brightly, "I know where we should go next."

His eyes betrayed his smile, but before she could pinpoint his thoughts, he was running around the console, punching in coordinates and spinning dials and pulling levers like a madman. A madman in his blue box.


	2. Time can be rewritten

"**Time can be rewritten! / Don't you dare! Not those times..." ~ **_**Doctor Who**_**, "Forest of the Dead."**

Ever since New York, when River had told him that she had been pardoned, The Doctor knew his time with her was coming to an end. He had made many memories with her, more than he had hoped for when he first dropped her off in prison. The times spent just with her were very special to him, times when the Ponds were home being "normal." Later, he wasn't sure how he would have coped if River had not been there for him after Amy left. And now he was about to lose River, too. It was more than he thought he could bear.

When he had showed up at River's doorstep, he had been resolved to take her on one last spectacular trip. One more time, he would get to hold her and feel her and show her his love. He knew her time was coming, and he had asked her where she was going merely to confirm his fears. The Doctor had told himself that he could act like nothing was wrong. But realization sank in as soon as he had seen her smiling face. This would be the last time he whisked her away. The. last. time. And River would find out that he had known all along how things would end.

He checked the console absentmindedly while she slept in a room nearby. _I could stop her from going,_ he thought. _We could travel through time and space together for many years more. Just do it. Just take her somewhere other than Darillium, anywhere, and somewhere else after that, and on and on until she forgets about that library. _But he knew that was not in his power. River would get suspicious if he tried to change her plans - she already thought he was acting strangely. And he had seen her fate; it was now a fixed point in time. The last time they had tried altering a fixed point - when River had tried not to kill him - the entire universe had almost ceased to exist. _But then we got married._ They had fixed the universe and cheated death and got married. _Surely we could do it again! There must be a way!_ He pounded the console of the TARDIS in frustration at his own powerlessness.

"Rose… Martha… Donna… Amy… Rory… _River_." Speaking these names aloud, he felt like he could never love another companion as much as he had loved the ones he had already lost. "Oh wake up, Doctor! You _chose_ this. You always choose this. You pick up companions along the way like they were stray puppies, and you name them and love them and when they die or run away you howl and scream because you have to go on living without them! I will not go through this AGAIN!" His last word reverberated around the control room of the TARDIS and came back to him sounding distant, as if it had taken years to come back, not seconds. Afraid of waking River, he stormed down to the underside of the console, feeling like breaking something.

"Why _can't_ I save her?" He was still tempted to turn and run, River on the TARDIS next to him, where she belonged. He didn't care about the fixed point or the end of the universe, anymore. He used to care, but now he couldn't. He could not imagine going on anymore, without his loved ones beside him.

If he kept her from going to the library, it was very likely that he would die there, along with Donna. Then he never would have met River. Maybe that was best. River would cease to exist, actually, since she had been conceived on the TARDIS itself, and he would be dead. But he wouldn't have to feel the pain he was feeling now. If he had died, he wouldn't even have to mourn Amy and Rory. But then he never could have saved Amy from the crack in her wall. (_Would the crack even be there if it weren't for me_?)

But an echo came back to him through the fog of despair that was threatening to engulf him. "Don't you dare!" River had been adamant about not rewriting the times they had spent together. She would rather die there in that library saving him than to never have met him. It's what she wanted. She had made her choice already, and she would make the choice again. No, he could not deny her final request to him. He would not.


End file.
